Why My Biggest Flaw is also my Greatest Strength

“Dreaming is, after all, a form of planning.” -Gloria Steinem

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

Hi friends! Years ago, I let go of this blog to do other writing. But in 2024, I missed writing just fot he sake of writing and started posting my work on a new platform called Substack. Are you familiar with Substack? It’s a great platform for writers of all kinds and I encourage you to check it out. If you’d like to follow me there, you can find me here. But if you don’t want to find your way onto a new media platform, don’t worry. I’ll post my writing here as well. There, see, you have choices!

Here’s what I’ve wrote on Substack this week.

The other morning I was writing furiously in my journal, when my husband looked up at me and asked what I was writing about.

“Just stuff, writing down some of my thoughts,” I said.

“You sure do have a lot of thoughts,” he said with a smile.

My husband is right (this time). I am a thinker. And an observer. I spend nearly every morning writing out my thoughts. Thoughts about what I’ve read and seen in my life and what I think it all means. Thoughts about why life and the people in it are the way they are. I write about the ways I see God show up in my life, and my ideas about how we could change our world, society and culture for the better. It’s a lot to be in my brain.

I also imagine various ways of being in my life. I picture myself as a voracious novelist who hangs out in a cabin in the woods spinning out novel after novel. I visualize myself getting really healthy and hiking my way through the western US. Maybe I even start a hiking club or plan hiking retreats. Or I dedicate myself to my family: I’m the mom who hosts family dinners every Sunday and takes her grandchildren on wild adventures every summer. Then I think about being just a retiree with a full schedule. I ditch the cabin writing and the hiking retreats and instead I have a weekly breakfast with a group of friends, do yoga every morning at our local studio and stretch my brain with my weekly Mahjong group.

Obviously I can’t be all of those things. And I am pretty happy as is, so maybe I don’t really want all or any of these scenarios for my life. But just thinking about these options, well, it enlivens me. What I am, is a dreamer.

It’s hard for me to admit that, to actually write these words. Why? Because I’ve never liked this aspect of myself. I have this idea in my head: dreamers are silly. Not serious. They don’t get anything done. They’re all talk and no action.

Miriam Webster defines a dreamer as:

1: one that dreams

2: one who lives in a world of fancy or imagination

3: one who has ideas or conceives projects regarded as impractical

Ouch. No wonder I don’t want to think of myself as a dreamer. I admit that I sometimes see these tendencies in myself. I notice that a lot of my ideas are a little grand and remain as just, ideas. I occasionally wonder why I’m always envisioning my life a new way, when in fact, I really like my current life. Sometimes I worry that all that time I spend in my head could be better spent actually doing something more productive.

We all have qualities we don’t like about ourselves. We view ourselves as a workaholic or too lazy, impatient or slow to get things done, we beat ourselves up for our lack of confidence or maybe we loathe to admit that we’re a little too full of ourselves. The list goes on and on. We all have strengths and weaknesses.

The other day I took a walk. As I walked, I took in the beautiful spring scenery, had a little conversation with God, and then allowed my mind to wander. Inevitably when I walk, the ideas in my brain go wild. I often have to stop walking to capture my thoughts on the notepad on my phone.

These ideas always give me a charge. But on this particular walk, as I wrote down my next grand idea, I felt the shame rise up. The mean girl in my head, whom I’ve named Jeannette, started asking questions. Are you really going to do this? Do you even want to do this? Why do you bother writing this stuff down? Oh Jeannette, I could really do without your commentary.

I do know enough to shut Jeannette up. So I kept walking and thinking and eventually I had to giggle at myself. What a weirdo I am, I thought. Even the shame couldn’t dampen my excitement over this idea. I couldn’t wait to get home and research it even further. Maybe it would come to something and maybe it wouldn’t. I’m a dreamer, but I’ve decided I don’t need to feel bad about it.

Perhaps the dictionary didn’t get it quite right. Perhaps a dreamer is also someone who can envision things that others can’t. A person who is highly imaginative. A trailblazer.

This weekend my husband and I went to dinner with friends. At some point, our conversation turned to something I had said yes to, even though I was nervous about trying it. One of our friends said, “That’s what I love about you. You’re always willing to try things, to put yourself out there.” Hmm, I had never thought about this before. I mean, I knew I put myself out there, but I’d always thought of it as leaping before I looked, which doesn’t quite ring as a good thing.

This is when it hit me. Perhaps our personal qualities aren’t really strengths or weaknesses. Perhaps they are just attributes, parts of ourselves that can be life enhancing or life draining. Perhaps our traits are just traits, and the context we view them in and what we do with them is what matters most.

I do spend a lot of time in my head. I do get excited about all my crazy ideas. Often nothing comes of these ideas. But sometimes-sometimes those thoughts and ideas turn into, or lead to, things that come to fruition.

I’ve dreamed of being a writer ever since I read Judy Blume’s books in the fourth grade. That dream lay dormant for many years. I took zero writing classes and only one literature class in college. But one day, years later, I had a thought about motherhood. (Was I walking when it came to me? I have no idea). This idea turned into an essay that became my first published piece. My ideas for essays and articles continued, and now I’ve published God knows how many pieces.

I’ve dreamed of climbing a mountain ever since I read Into Thin Air years ago. I had no interest in Mount Everest mind you (people die on that mountain!) but in 2024, when an opportunity came my way to climb a mountain in the Smoky Mountain National Park, I knew in my bones I wanted to do this. I was out of shape and in need of a hip replacement, but when would this opportunity come my way again?! The more I thought about it, the more I saw that many of the most extraordinary experiences in my life, have come to fruition because I dreamed about them first.

So often we hear or think things about ourselves and interpret them as negative. We feel shame, guilt or embarrassment for our tendencies. I don’t think we’re meant to live that way. Instead, I think God designed us perfectly and we should accept all of the tendencies and traits we’ve been graced with. Then we should do our best to keep our hearts in alignment (as well as our egos) so that these traits, even the very ones we dislike about ourselves, can be used for good.

Our workaholic tendencies can be used to produce good, solid work that benefits others.

Our lack of confidence can be a way for us to show up for others as humble, approachable and relatable humans.

Our tendency to move slower than others in this world gives us the ability to be present in the moment, thorough and helps us to be better listeners.

I may never hole up in cabin in the woods and crank out novel after novel. There is very little chance I’m going to hike the Pacific Trail anytime soon. I’m a work in progress but I’m learning to be okay with having dreams that never come to fruition.

I’m learning to make space for the dreamer in me. She is not all talk and no action. She manages to get a few things done and even checks off a few of those dreams on her notepad. Besides, those dreams? Well, they keep her excited about life and all its possibilities. Maybe that is a good thing. Yes, it most definitely is.

Friends, tell me about your tendencies. Are you a dreamer too? Do you have any traits do you dislike about yourself? How might you use learn to embrace these qualities and use them for good?