Looking Back in Order to Look Forward
“The seasons are what a symphony ought to be: four perfect movements in harmony with each other.”
-Arthur Rubinstein
Photo by Yoksel 🌿 Zok on Unsplash
Hello friends! Are you as excited as I am that April has arrived? I’m delighted when I see hints of spring. Longer days, brightly colored spring flowers and hints of green grass, it feels like hope.
Lately I’ve spent a lot of time in a hospital room with my husband. He had surgery last week, and yes, everything is fine. If you’re unlucky enough to have ever had a hospital stay, you know there is a lot of waiting involved. Waiting for pain meds. Waiting for updates from the doctor. Waiting for everyone to sign off so you can go home.
All that waiting had me thinking about winter. To me, winter is a season of wait. What we see in a Midwest winter is a bit bleak. Unless it’s snowing, the landscape is full of muted browns, grays with a touch of dark greens. The air is cold and the days are short. Often, I find myself waiting winter out, waiting for spring. Yet, there is a lot going on beneath the surface during the colder months of the year.
Beneath the ground, our soil is building its nutrients and banking water. Tree and plant roots are growing. Insects enter a state of hibernation which keeps them sort of frozen but alive. I kind of relate to the need for hibernation in the colder, darker days of winter. But then spring, the season of hope, comes and the world is suddenly filled with color.
As we enter this new season, I’ve decided to start a new seasonal practice: Reflection.
As part of my quest to live a meaningful life, to, in essence, make my 60’s count, I’m going to check in on myself quarterly. What better way to see if I’m honoring myself and my desires? How about you, will you join me?
At the end of every quarter, I’ll pose 3-5 questions and post them here along with my answers. I’d love for you to answer these questions for yourself, so you too can check yourself. And as always, I welcome your comments! Together, we can see if our lives are truly aligning with our values. Which feels, I don’t know, exciting? Below are my first quarter reflection questions along with my answers.
Winter Reflection Questions
How did I spend my time in January, February and March?
January was a busy month of getting things done and being with our people as Steve and I prepared to travel during February. We love escaping the cold, and enjoy the slower pace while we’re away. I love having time to read, do puzzles and walk. Getting away from my responsibilities gives me space to think and I love that. At the same time, I wouldn’t want to escape forever. I would miss my people, my church, and the activities I do while at home. After a time of rest, we’re always ready to return. March was all about getting back into our rhythm and getting through Steve’s surgery.
Was my time spent in alignment with who I want to be?
Yes, or mostly anyway. However, I’m wondering if I might be able to figure out how to combine my two ‘worlds.’ Why can’t I read more at home? Take time for long walks? I’m going to work on incorporating more of these things I love, but often put off, into my days at home.
What have I learned about myself in these last few months?
I’m someone who is too hard on herself. Now that I’m aware of it, I’m learning to be kinder to myself. But that old mean girl in my head? She still shows up. She gets loud when I’m having a rough day. I used to think I had to kick her out of my brain, shut her up for good. But now I understand that’s never going to happen. The girl who doubts herself will always be there, and-that’s okay. She keeps me humble. She makes me more sensitive and compassionate. I am who I am because of her. It’s not all bad. The best I can do is manage her. Call her out when she’s wrong. Silence her when she gets in the way of what I want. Surprisingly, knowing I don’t have to ‘fix’ or get rid of her is a huge relief.
What do I want in the coming months?
We have a busy spring. House projects. Our daughter’s wedding. I’m leading more journaling workshops in May which I’m excited about, and I’m still working on my book. What do I want? To handle things with grace. To stay in the present instead of spinning about the future. I want to enjoy the good things in my life while also attending to the extras we have going on. It’s going to take some mind (and time) management on my part, along with a lot of prayer. But I know the pay off is huge. Life will be so much better, I will be so much better, if I can remain calm through the chaos. At least reasonably calm, most of the time. To get a little crazed is to be expected.
Winter has done it’s thing. The growth cycle beneath the surface is complete. Spring is here, and we can rest in knowing new things in life will now come to the surface. After reflecting, I feel ready to take what I’m learning and move forward with anticipation. Wishing you a Happy Easter and a wonderful Spring!
Tracy Line 